This mixtape is called The Bonsai One
I'd never really planned on fussing about with bonsai but somehow the stars just aligned. Currently I would place myself at just below "entry level amateur" with zero plans of going pro. I have usually been able to keep our garden more or less inline with our overall vision but I would not put gardening on my list of bragging rights.
Yet here I am with several small trees in my front yard.
Recently my local bonsai teacher/tattoo-artist/neighbor/friend/great-person who has helped enable this new hobby let me know that it was time to "re-pot" our trees. Life did its best to make this not happen (which felt very un-bonsai) but somehow the roadblocks made the act even more important.
While we were sitting in the yard performing what felt like autopsies on these trees my friend said "you should make a bonsai mix". This was perfect as I'd been looking for a prompt on what to do next. One of my biggest fears has long been running out of ideas and I get in a bad headspace when I feel like this may be happening. When he made this suggestion I felt my whole body relax (which felt very bonsai).
I wouldn't place my experience with bonsai as meditative (yet) but I will say it's been far more introspective than expected. Same can be said for this mix. I was all jazzed one night and quickly started throwing songs together I fell asleep listening to a rough mix feeling great. I woke up the next day and re-listened to it and started to question the whole thing. Somehow I think it felt too vulnerable.
This led me back to the central prompt for this project which is to make mixes that I want to hear. I hadn't broken this rule. I was just in my head about what I was putting out there. Maybe it was that I thought this mix was going to feel more light and airy and for me it got a lot heavier.
Hey. While we're talking about heavy I'd like to make mention of something.
If you are the type that likes to not know what songs are on the mix you should stop reading now and maybe come back to this later.
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So the last song on this mix is a very difficult one for me. It is called "Head Rolls Off" by Frightened Rabbit and is easily one of my favorite songs from the early aughts. Scott Hutchison was the lead singer of this band and died from suicide in 2018. Since that happened I was unable to listen to the song. Suicide has impacted my life both directly and indirectly more times than I care to mention. However, not mentioning it doesn't help anything does it.
A short while ago I was listening to an Object Of Sound Podcast and Hanif Abdurraqib did a small spotlight on this song. I think it was towards the end of one of the shows in a kind of "closing notes" way. When I first realized what he was talking about I almost stopped the podcast. However, it seemed like a good time to start processing.
Not listening to the song wasn't helping anything.
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Hey. Thanks for hearing me out on that. I am really pleased with how this mix came out and hopefully it fits into your life in some way. I highly recommend putting it on and spacing out.
Thanks for being here,
Larson
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