Ok so not a literal ton but like a whole lot.
The fact that it was Valentine’s is only significant because this event took place at Ace Hardware which thankfully is fairly quiet on said commercial holiday. See I was done with work for the day and I decided to run two errands because I needed a few screws and I wanted to take a short walk. I also planned on going to the grocery store, most likely to buy spinach. We’re always buying spinach.
I needed 6 screws. Anyone who’s been around my house would be like “dude... I know you have 6 screws”. And you’d be right. The thing is I needed 6 screws of a particular type. Specifically 3/4” as well as self tapping.
Also… I love going to Ace Hardware. I'll go there for any reason and often wander up and down aisles taking inventory for non-existent future projects.
As I entered the store I realized that Ace is a low traffic area on the evening of Valentines Day. As a result the hardware aisle I frequent was empty. I wandered up and down in search of the screws of my dreams and everything was going great. I found multiple options that would work for me and then stood there and weighed the pros and cons of various screw materials and finishes.
Once I’d made my selection I grabbed the size I thought I needed and a size smaller (I’ve learned that it’s cheap insurance to buy extras and other sizes).
And then… when putting the screw container/drawer away… I dropped it.
Friends… it was gnarly. I was standing in an empty hardware aisle of Ace Hardware on Valentines with so many screws of different sizes all over the floor. And it was all my fault. See this particular drawer had #5, #7 and #9 diameter screws in multiple sizes. Several of them in overlapping lengths.
I was in a personal hell. My first instinct was to walk away. I knew this was wrong but I’m not going to pretend I didn't think it.
My second instinct was not an instinct but a deep and all encompassing feeling of shame and embarrassment. It was palpable… kind of like…
So there I was. The only person in the hardware aisle of Ace on Valentines who had clearly just dropped an entire drawer of screws. Complete nightmare fuel.
So I started organizing them… There was no way I was going to get them all sorted but I had to help out. I just had to get the bulk of them put away. This was embarrassing. Thank god nobody else was buying screws on Valentines Day as this aisle can often be quite busy.
I wondered how much mess was too much mess to leave behind. Of course I knew that zero mess was the correct amount of mess to leave but the waves of embarrassment were threatening to outweigh the simultaneous ones of guilt.
All the while I’m glancing up and down the aisle awaiting a customer or employee to stumble upon my situation. However, as I mentioned Ace Hardware is pretty quiet at 5:15 on Valentines Day.
My mind was reeling while I was sorting these screws. The big ones went fairly quickly but it is hard to discern between a #5 1/2” screw and a #7 one. Additionally a 1/2” screw and 3/4” look remarkably similar when they’re in a pile on the floor.
I after around 20 minutes or so I felt like I’d done as good as I could do, only to realize that I’d actually cleaned them all up (minus some of the small ones that rolled under the shelving). I carefully put the drawer back on its slide thingy and purchased my bag of 12 screws.
In closing here are my thoughts/lessons
- Valentines Day at Ace is a pretty great vibe.
- It’s great that those little drawer things that hold screws are removable. But you gotta be really careful.
- Embarrassment will really push you to jettison your morals but it’s not a strong enough reason to do so.
- Remember to always buy extras screws
- Always clean up your messes.
- I like to think that this whole ordeal is on a CCTV recording.
Oh... and don't worry. I also got the spinach.
Sign on up!